If I only knew

When I was a child, I had so much fun. Do you remember how much fun you had as a kid at a party, running around wild, laughing at the top of your lungs? Why didn’t we need alcohol to have fun then? Why could we socialize and let loose with no substance to help us? What happened to us? Some might argue we didn’t have the same stress back then, But is that true?

When I was a kid, my problems felt really big. Being ostracized by my peers felt like the end of the world. I remember starving for autonomy and feeling so misunderstood, And yet, with no language for my emotions and no understanding of coping skills, I somehow navigated it without alcohol.

Childhood moved into my teens, and then, as if it happened overnight, I was no longer able to have fun without a substance. Somewhere along the way, I had become unequipped to party without booze. At some point, the good times and the bad times needed the assistance of alcohol. How could this happen without me knowing? When did this change creep in?

Was it when I started drinking?

Was your first time drinking fun? Do you remember just having a blast? Mine sure wasn’t; I felt tipsy and went straight to sick. How many times did it take me to start having fun? Was it after I built a little tolerance? Was it once I got this tolerance that the rules of fun changed?

Tolerance is built from your brain changing to compensate for something you are doing to it. Here’s a quick science lesson to explain.

When we drink, our brain gets flooded with GABA. Our GABA receptors grab the hormone, and our brain slows, making us feel funny. Inebriation hinders our ability to keep ourselves safe. So, the body adapts by getting rid of some of those receptors. That's why it doesn’t feel as funny when the next flood of GABA comes and this allows us to drink more. The more we drink, the more receptors are gone, and more booze is allowed without too much intoxication.

The problem is GABA is a hormone we need for regular life. It allows us to calm down in heightened situations like a party. Once I learned this, I thought, “What if the booze I first drank way back when has just made it so my brain can't have fun without it?”

Then the question was can my brain go back to its original state if left without alcohol for a while? This question is not why I quit, But the idea that I could not have fun or relax without alcohol was one of the things that made quitting seem impossible.

I did quit, as you know, and you’ll never guess what happened. It turns out that I didn’t need booze at all. It’s been over two years and I enjoy life more than ever now.

Man, if I understood this 20 years ago. I would have had so many of the things I longed for then.

Things like mental clarity, less anxiety, more money, better health, better skin, and better metabolism. I look back on all the hangovers and think what a waste, but I didn’t get it then, and you can't know what you don’t know yet.

Better late than never.